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Funny Quotes for Whatsapp Status in English
1. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
2. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
3. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.
4. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
5. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
6. Life is short… smile while you still have teeth.
7. If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.
8. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
9. Women should not have children after 20. Really 20 children are enough.
10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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11. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
12. God is really creative, I mean just look at me 😛
13. Awesome ends with me and Ugly starts with you.
14. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
15. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
16. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
17. Facebook account for sale, Friends included.
18. Google just called… Google said, “Someone is looking for you”.
19. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
20. The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
Funny Status for Whatsapp in English
21. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
22. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
23. We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
24. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
25. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
26. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
27. Without me, it’s just Awesome.
28. There are no winners in life… only survivors.
29. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
30. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
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31. I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
32. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
33. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
34. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
35. After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
36. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
37. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
38. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
39. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
40. We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.
Funny Quotes Status for Whatsapp in English
41. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
42. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
43. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
44. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
45. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
46. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
47. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
48. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
49. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
50. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
51. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
52. Sex is not an answer, but a question. “Yes is the answer”.
53. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
54. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
55. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
56. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
57. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
58. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
59. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
60. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
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61. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
62. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
63. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
64. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
65. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
66. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
67. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
68. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
69. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
70. God must love stupid people. He made so many.
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71. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
72. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
73. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
74. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
75. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
76. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
77. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
78. The kid’s next door imaginary friend.
79. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
80. All men are born free; if they marry is their own fault.
Funny Quotes Sayings Status in English
81. Make love, not war. Or do both: get married.
82. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
83. Insert a coin to view my status message.
84. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
85. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
86. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
87. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
88. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
89. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
90. Some people hear voices… Some see invisible people… Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Funny Jokes Status for Whatsapp in English
91. If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
92. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
93. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
94. Don’t talk about yourself so much… we’ll do that when you leave.
95. I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
96. I’m always right, except for when I’m wrong.
97. What does a drunk man say to sky? Dude, you so high.
98. Life is like a MOVIE If your sad DRAMA If you afraid SUSPENSE If your angry ACTION When you look at the mirror HORROR!
99. I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.
100. I look at people sometimes and think… Really? That’s the sperm that won.
Best Funny Quotes Sayings Messages Status Images
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